You know, those “not my finest moments” moments? I had one of those this morning.
My ex called at 8:23 am. Which seemed sort of early to me, but forgivably early. It was not like he woke me up or even interrupted breakfast. He wanted to know if I could send him pictures of the girls. He has asked for them before and I keep forgetting to send them, but there was something more of an urgency this time. When pressed he admitted to them actually not being for him, but his brother’s wife is putting together some sort of art project for his mother and wants to have pictures of her grandchildren. The girls.
This just set me off into all sorts of internal conniption fits. First off the ex’s brother barely tolerated me when I was married to the ex and his wife was alternating rude or kind depending on the rest of the company. I couldn’t figure her out to save my life. So the fact that neither one of them has initiated the slightest contact with me or my daughters in the past 13 years is not so much a loss. The other aspect of this is that my ex-mother-in-law, a dear woman who I am rather fond of, has always been more than loving and kind and a grandmother to ALL my children. The four younger ones included, but his request was specifically for the girls’ pictures so the “thingiemiggiggy” would have all her grandchildren included?! So, you don’t contact me in 13 years then out of the blue want my older daughters’ pictures to include in some artwork for Christmas and this request is going to come to me through the ex?
I made the ex endure a brief tirade about how his brother or his brother’s wife were more than welcome to email me and ask for my children’s pictures if they wanted them. Which I seriously doubt they will since they haven’t communicated with me in anyway at all for the past 13 years. (Did I mention it has been 13 years?) I told the ex that I could lie and tell him that I would send them and then I would put it off and forget about it, but I was going to be slightly better and just say no. I also mentioned that considering the circumstances I was highly disinclined to go along with this. Which I suppose is rather small minded of me. If I was somewhat more generous I would have sent the pictures and not balked at it. Therefore it wasn’t my finest moment. It also puts the ex in the rather uncomfortable position of having to tell his brother (or his sister-in-law) that they won’t get the pictures as he doesn’t have them. The ex is more or less a “people pleaser”. He likes it when everyone is happy with him and is highly motivated to do things that will keep people happy.
This line of thinking led me to consider the possibility that the ex’s brother’s wife had contacted the ex to ask for the pictures under the assumption that he would have them. Which leads to all sorts of interesting conjectures about the ex and if he had already agreed to send the pictures he didn’t have and what he will say now. I don’t know. It certainly brings out that more prickly part of my nature that likes to poke first and apologize later — maybe. It might be why I like fencing. I can hit the target efficiently and mercilessly and not have done anything that my conscience can’t approve of. I don’t particularly like the fact that I am that particular way with the exe’s family. There is a lot of baggage there that I am in the pleasant position of being able to mostly ignore but every once in a great while I am side swept by them and my own reactions…. I know I have mentioned that I haven’t heard from these people in 13 years. Phewy.
One thought on “Another of those moments.”
I’m quite sure I would have reacted exactly the same as you did. My ex has been my ex for 10 years (which is as long as we were married), and there has never been any communication with any member of his family. I know my priest would tell me it’s not the right way to act, but our daughter is 9 years old — she didn’t divorce her dad (or his family) but she gets treated like she did. Thankfully, my husband (now) treats her like his daughter and has for over 5 years.