Catholic Homeschooling · Mary Mary and Martha · My world

Saving money on food: the super basics

As you probably know the price of food has been on the rise.   The USDA is projecting a 5% possible rise in at home food costs.  This is of course hitting at a time where many families are already stretched as far as they can go.   So, how do you save money on food.

First off quit eating out.  Basic, simple, good for your bottom line and your waistline.  Eating out, especially eating fast food, is horrible for your family’s health.  Eating out is terrible for you and worse for your children.  High in fat, high in sugar, large portions and low nutritional value is the norm in fast food and most restaurant food.  All that together means that stopping through the drive-through or calling for pizza should be a rare treat.

Reduce the amount of prepared foodyou purchase.  Convenience foods are convenient, but they cost much more per serving and are lower in nutrition than the home-made counterpart.  With the possible exceptions of ramon noodles and cheep boxed mac-n-cheese they cost more.  But when you start looking at nutritional value added in then the cost is not offset.  Things like cookies, crackers, chips, boxed meals, TV dinners, cake mixes are more costly than the made-from scratch versions and are higher in fat, sugar and preservatives.

Control your shopping.  Use a list and shop less.  If you create a menu and a shopping list you can help avoid “quick” trips to the super markets to pick up “one or two things” that cost your family a bundle in time, gas, and those little impluse purchases that sneak into the cart.

Menu planning  is perhapes the single most cost effective measure you can impliment.  First it allows you to follow the first four points more easily and second it helps you stay within your budget while you shop.  If you know what is on the menu for the rest of the week, have the needed items purchased and in your fridge and pantry, stopping by the local fast food joint is much less of a temptation.  Menu planning also allows you to make the most of super market circular sales and coupons.  It also allows you to avoid waste.  I can’t tell you how often food has gone bad before we ate it.  With a menu plan the letuce and peppers in the bottom of the fridge will not be going bad nearly as ofter.  Left over nights can be scheduled in and they can be eaten before the left-overs become a bio hazzard.

My world

A bit of a break

Finally, I have my projects done and I can turn my attention back to home and children.   The weather forecast is not looking really great, lots of rain and somewhat chilly, so that puts plans of working on the yard and garden on slow burn.

We have a couple projects to catch up on for the children’s science and history.  We will also try to get some fun in during the next couple days.

My world

Ten minutes for a cup of coffee

I am giving myself a hair of a break this morning.  Monday and yesterday were both hectic and today promises to be stuck on a dead run from now until the kids are in bed.   I have two projects that are rolling out this week and then I am taking a few weeks off —  I think.  It isn’t uncommon for me to declare that and then run into some new work. 

Mary Mary and Martha · My world · Simplicity

Laundry – the system

I mentioned in my first article, briefly, about laundry systems.  Today I plan to expand on that a bit more.    The USDA survey on the cost of raising a child estimated that parents spend roughly $575 per child per year on clothing.  As with most things of this nature I look at that number and think, “Wow, that seems a bit high.”  But if I was buying everything for the children new, and including foot wear that seems a possible number.   No matter how you look at it clothing is an expense.  Caring for you clothing to keep it looking nicer longer makes sense on every level.   When you have a large family having a system is imperative.  I can think of nothing more frustrating that trying to get three, four or five children out the door while looking of missing socks, the favorite sweater, or the ballet tights that are hiding somewhere in the house only to be discovered under the bed and very dirty.

A long time ago I read about space planning and functionality.    It might even have been in college, but be that as it may, a large family either plans its space for functionality, luck out and creates systems naturally or it fights the chaos that lack of planning creates.  Laundry is no exception.

I view the laundry process as starting when the clothing is taken off.    Clothing coming off a person falls into about 5 categories: it is going to be worn again before it is laundered, it is going into the regular wash, it needs to be hand wash or dry cleaned, it is stained and needs treated, it is exceptionally dirty.  This is the break down of the decision point of the laundry system:

It is going to be worn again: Jackets, coats, “church clothes”, basically anything lightly worn that doesn’t need laundered gets a quick look over for any missed spots and then gets hung up and put away.

It is going into the regular wash: This is the bulk of our clothing.  These cloths go into the hamper in the room they are taken off in.  When I have fewer children (my mom’s system) the laundry was take to a central  hamper in the laundry room.  Or it got left on the floor of the bedroom or bathroom.  This can work for bigger families, but I have found it easier to have hampers in dressing areas so that young children can drop their laundry into it themselves without having to leave the room.

It needs to be hand wash or dry cleaned: These items are mostly mine to start with, they have their own small hamper in the closet in my room.  When the children are wearing something special that needs hand washed or dry cleaned I will make sure that it gets separated.

It is stained and needs treated:  The best time to catch a stain is when it happens, the next best is when it is taken off.  If something has a stain my goal is to nab it right after it is taken off, take it to the laundry room, treat it with the appropriate stain remover and sort it for washing.  Sometimes I miss this and don’t catch it until it is gone into the wash.

It is exceptionally dirty: Every mother is experienced with this one.  I cringe to remember nights where one or more child was ill and vomit covered laundry dominated my life for the day, toilet training accidents,  “Mommy we were playing farm and I got to be the PIG!” – mud covered things can not go into the wash right off.  These items don’t even get sorted.  They just get dealt with.  Sometimes a bucket soak or sink rinse is called for, other times the soak cycle on the washer is needed.  On rare occasions I have looked at something and said, “this is not worth it, I would pay the cost to replace this item rather than wash it”, and out it goes.

Step Two:

Once items make it to the laundry room they are sorted into five baskets.  There is a small basket of kitchen laundry,  the laundry room is right next to the kitchen and I dislike having the dish clothes and such in with the other laundry.  There are also four tall hamper baskets that clothing is sorted into as it comes into the laundry room.  Darks, bath towels, lights and whites (bleach-able) clothing each have their own basket.  Things that need to go through the delicate cycle go into a small basket on the top of the dryer.  In part this system developed because no one hamper was quite big enough for the job and in part because of the system I used while living in an apartment building.  Presorting the laundry makes life that much easier for me.  

While the laundry is being sorted it is given a quick check to make sure there are no missed stains, rips that would be made worse in the wash.  Pockets are checked, zippers zipped, everything is turned right side out or inside out depending on the washing instructions.   One of the nice side effects to the multi-basket system is that it is very easy to see when we are falling behind on the laundry or on a certain aspect (bath towels is the winner here).  It is also a good reality check for the clothing glut issue.  If I can’t sort all the clothing into these baskets then we have accumulated too much.

When a load is ready to be started we pull it out from the hampers.  I try to check again for stains, open closures, turned pant legs, folded socks and the like.  You might have noticed that I have a lot of redundant checking in the system.  This is an example of “the plan” vrs. “the reality”.  In the plan everyone cleans out their pockets, turns out their clothing and let’s me know if there is a stain.  In reality, pens are stuck in pockets of jeans with underwear and socks tangled in the inside out pant legs and since I may not be the one checking for these things in one particular step it make sense for me to check on all the steps rather than deal with the mess afterwards.

 coming soon… Washing, drying, ironing and all that sort of thing

Mary Mary and Martha · My world

A Good Wife


Every once in a while I do  google search for “Good Wife”.  I really enjoy just reading what people think being a good wife entails and how that works itself out in the real world of day to day marriages.  It is also funny to stumble on the different humorous takes on the very idea of being a good wife.  In some circles it seems that even asking the question,  “what should I do to be a good wife?”, is going to make the fur fly.  Take Minette Marrin “the Good Wife is an Old Fashioned Realist“,  the article is interesting, the comments are at times painful.  They make me question the reading comprehension skills of a good number of the commenters.

Marrin lays out a very straightforward and pretty solid point:  “One hard fact a would-be wife has to face � and I was absolutely horrified to realise this myself � is that it�s not possible for a married couple to have two demanding jobs and children and a good relationship. Something has to give. ”   This is a point that seems lost on the detractors in the comments as they are too busy having conniption fits over the idea that a woman is advising other women to step away from the work-force and concentrate on their marriages and childrearing  while they have young children.  Or at least to think about it.  One would suppose that in a world where divorce teeters at near 50% and adultery is more and more common that it would be pretty obvious that marriage, for many people, is failing.   There are many complex societal reasons behind this but the stress of two career parenting is certainly one of them.

If the couple decides that one of them staying home (and yes, dear sisters, usually that means the mom) to raise the children and keep the home is what they are going to do to help reduce that stress then how that plays out is important.  We have done it both ways.  Both Kyle and I have taken a turn at the stay at home parent thing while the other worked.  The fact that he did it for a year and a half and I have done it for seven speaks volumes.  It wasn’t just that he felt very boxed in at home, but I felt wretched working while my little ones were home with dad.  So I stay home, he works.  Other couples might find other arrangements suit them better.  This works for us.  As long as I am going to be home I want to be good at it.

It is kind of sad to me how often the question, “How do I be a good wife?”,  is all but scoffed at.  Several years ago I was a member of a homemaking board where I was pretty active on the “messy” forum.  (I will admit to being a complete failure at housekeeping.)  At one point the conversation turned to the question of what husbands do around the house.  Many of the members felt that it was unfair that their husbands came home from work and then didn’t do so very much to help out.   I made the mistake of commenting that, since my husband put in a full eight hours of work (usually more) at the office plus the commute, I didn’t really feel right asking him to do any housework unless I had put in that much time at home during the day.  I think how I actually put it was “When I put in eight hours of solid housework here per day then I will think of asking him to do more.”  You would have thought that I was advocating that women great their men at the door in lace teddies and high-heels, martinis in hand, purring like a kitten, with a five course meal waiting on the table and only saying, “yes dear”, the rest of the evening.   Were the other women on the board upset because of how many hours they put in compared to their husbands?  No, they had all admitted to being rather slack while at home, daytime TV was a favorite topic of conversation, as well as the obvious time some of them spent online.  They were offended at the very idea of putting their husbands wants and pleasure as a priority… or even just cutting a tried guy some slack at the end of the day.   Needless to say that sort of soured me on that particular board.

The instant “what the husband wants” is put forward as a topic some women will rabidly grab that and start getting worked up about “Who is concerned about what I want?”  Any relationship where two people are worried more about what they are getting out of the relationship then what they are putting in is doomed.  But all it takes when there are two decent people and a modicum of affection is for one person to start saying, “What can I do to make you happy?” and that can change everything.   But that isn’t a popular sentiment and certainly not one you read in the Times very often.  So I was delighted to see Minette Marrin give voice to the question.  One of my favorite quotes from her article is:

“When you want to please your child, or your lover, you think hard about what might make them happy and then do it. It�s not a chore, or even if it is that hardly matters; it�s an act of love or of loyalty. Yet strangely, in marriage this obvious motivational technique seems to wither away with the wedding flowers. Women are convinced it is their right not to have sex when they don�t feel like it, and it is a man�s duty to wash up, though he hates it � and so it is, of course. But that�s not the point. Granny was right; never say no, and never nag. “

Anyone can clean a house, cook a meal or change a baby.  But it is love that makes it homemaking.  While “putting out”, cleaning-up and cooking are the most oft listed items on the list of a “Good Wife’s Duties” the real gem is love and service.  When we serve those we love the service is light, easy and a pleasure.  I hate cleaning up, but if I am cleaning up because I know it will delight my husband when he gets home and I love him then it become a weird pleasure. It is all in the motivation.

Yes, I probably did my career irrevocable harm by staying home to take care of the kiddos.  And yes there are times when I am here pulling my hair out wondering what the heck I was thinking when I signed up for this.  But I also wouldn’t change it.  I have a great deal of liberty to order my life in a way that suits me.  I very much enjoy being here with my children and watching them grow and guiding their learning and it is my husband who makes that possible by going out and working.  We have chosen the traditional arrangement and it works for us.   If I was focusing just what worked for me, what brought me personally the most satisfaction, I might have chosen differently at first.  Because I liked working.  I like the praise and the pay and those tangible rewards.  But there is more to “us” than “me” and probably the most short sighted thing I could have done would have been to make “me” a higher priority than “us”.   Because, while I enjoyed working, I enjoy this life so very much more.

40 bags of stuff. · Mary Mary and Martha · My world · Simplicity

40 Trash Bag Challenge: week one

This is week one, day one, of my 40 trash bag challenge.  If you remember the goal is to get rid of 40 bags of stuff from my home in eight weeks.  A somewhat daunting task if I think about it, but no where near as daunting as the fact that I know that it can be done…. that there is that much “stuff” poked into corners, shoved into bins, stuffed into closets, draws and Lord know where in my house making my life more complicated every day. 

Mary Mary and Martha · My world · Simplicity

Frugal in the News

Being a frugal homemaker is news worthy.

 If you are anything like me the article isn’t ground breaking and is hardly even news.  Though it is kind of neat to see something positive about not spending money in the news.  One quote from the article “It really doesn’t matter what you make. It matters what you spend.”  So very true.  The illustrations of the family spending less than half the average American family on groceries and cruising yard sales for toys is fun, typical among my friends, but fun to read.

It brings to mind an article I read a while back about “green-moms” and how mind-boggling they make the old adage “use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without”.  Thrifty living is essentially very “green” because it is based on the idea that less is more.    Or as I quoted in the above article, “You want to save the earth? Here’s a little hint. Don’t. Buy. Shit.”

I will make a little online confession here.  I love money.  I love to play with it, make budgets, see how far I can stretch some amount.  I really do enjoy money management and budgeting.  Yes, I know that makes me a part of a tiny minority, but I it isn’t something I apologize for because it serves my family so well.   I haven’t always been this way.  When I was younger I couldn’t spend my money fast enough.  But I have learned a lot since then and the skills I learned I am trying to pass on to my children.

Autism · My world

Autism and CNN part two

Since we don’t have cable we didn’t catch any of the spots that CNN did on autism yesterday.  Rachel had an appointment with her psychiatrist this morning and I spoke with one of her case workers.  We talked about autism in the media.  I am mostly annoyed at the way the media reports on autism in that what I see reported doesn’t reflect what I see in severely autistic young people, including my daughter.  Rachel’s caseworker is more annoy about how treatments are always “over promised”  leaving parents without the means  to try every new thing feeling as though they have failed their child.

CNN’s videos can be seen here.  It is  hard sometimes to watch parents talk about their autistic children.  All our situations are so different and yet there is this string that runs through so many of the stories.  Of course I identify with the parents who’s children are teens.   I wish though there could be a  few more stories about how very, very difficult it can be to deal with autism in the more sever forms.   Oddly enough Law and Order once had a show about abuse at a treatment center for autistic youth with self injurious behaviors.   I think this is the only time I have seen that end of the spectrum represented, and it wasn’t even represented that well.

Autism · My world

Autism on CNN

It appears this week that CNN is going to do the miraculous and pull down “The wall of silence around autism”. 

Now I will give you that my experience with autism has made autism very much “on the radar” for me, and I suppose there are some people out there who really haven’t heard about it all that much, but, despite the fact that raising the general awareness of autism is a good, I can’t help but be leery.   The media love to showcase autism cases where the autistic individual is relatively high functioning.  Now I could be wrong and we might see the whole spectrum represented, but I am not holding my breath.

My world

Getting back into the swing of things

Kyle got a job.  It is a contract postion that should last through the summer, then — who knows?  But for now we have returned to life with me as the homemaker and he as the breadwinner and it has been a transition.  I hate not having him around all day, but I find that I get a great deal more done without him here.  More because I have to keep myself busy or I get a bit stir-crazy. 

The weather has been insane.  Hail, sleet, snow, sun, rain… all within a few hours.  This has made the outdoor playtime with the children all but impossible.