This blog sometimes pulls me back. I have more or less not blogged since my grandmother died about five years ago. First I was busy with the weight of that, then Lizzy was born and everyday seemed slightly too complicated and harried to take time to write. But I miss it. There is something therapeutic about writing and something wonderful about setting your thoughts out “there”. Writing makes me a better me.
Yesterday I was talking to a fellow Catholic-Homeschool-Mom-who-happens-to-blog. Where my side of the conversation went something like “this crazy thing happened with my old blog that is really dusty and I hardly touch. And I am rather put-out by it but I feel sort of stupid for being so” and her side was “That’s crazy, the internet is full of crazy, maybe this will be the spark that gets you blogging again.”
And I started thinking about sparks and embers and Lent. Lent is a wonderful time of reaching into yourself and see where things are good and where good things that have died down. So much of what my energy used to draw from has died down to the point that it is barely an ember. I feel like the proverbial camel — there are about 3 straws too many, the back is broken and we are still somewhere in the middle of the desert longing to make it home. So I need Lent, I need to drop the load, just let it go and to embrace the penitential. Forced now to look at I see that I have tried to much for too long. I have allowed myself to become burdened by things that should build me up. I have taken too much to heart, I have been drowning in the noise of everything and not allowed myself just to exist as the person God intends me to be. So maybe this is the spark, the breath of air on the ember.