So, yesterday at mass was one of those minor disasters.
We had Rachel with us overnight and everything was going well.
She was a little agitated when Mass started. I am not sure why exactly. But right as Father stepped to the ambo to read the Word Rachel lost it. Completely. So badly that I had to take her out. I couldn’t even control her by myself and Kyle had to help. Ashley stayed in mass with the younger children and we drove Rachel back to her group home, and came back. This is the first time Rachel hasn’t stayed through mass since we started attending Holy Rosary and for at least a year before that.
Once we got Rachel out of the church we sat with her on the steps to give her a chance to calm down. She would alternate between being just sad (which is fine) and being out of control (which means mom or dad get pinched) and then we just gave up on the idea of getting her to come back to mass and decided to drive her back to her house. We got Rachel to the car and she was really, really not happy to be leaving. We decided that it would be safer for everyone if we both went in the car with Rachel. She has “lost it” in the car before and attacked the driver. So having one of us to help control Rachel if she got out of control was important.
I went inside to tell Ashley that we would be gone for a little bit and to just hang out with the little ones at coffee and donuts if we didn’t get back before the end of mass. I am so thankful to have such wonderful children. Josh whispered to me that he would be good and to remember the movie in Rachel’s bag. Rachel had put a movie that we had checked out from the library in her bag on the way out of the house and we had asked the children to help us remember that it was there so she wouldn’t get it back to her house without us noticing. Sarah and Hannah took the whole thing in stride. Ashley reported later that Josh and Sarah were a little rambunctious right after we left, but once she sat between them they were fine.
Rachel was ok in the car. She started saying “Bad… bad! bad!” and crying. Real tears were running down her cheeks. She knows when she has crossed the line, but she doesn’t know how to stop herself before she gets there. Total lack of impulse control in action. When we got to her house she rang the doorbell and asked for a kiss. She wasn’t happy with herself at that point. We weren’t particularly happy with her either – a few more bruises, a scratch and a couple bites later – but Rachel is Rachel and we love her. She got her kisses and hugs and then ran to her room. At least everyone was safe.
We got back just as mass was ending – just in time to join the children for coffee and donuts. Everyone at mass pretty much saw the whole event. I got several hugs and sympathetic inquiries, which makes me all the more thankful for our parish and our friends. Our priest came up and let us know that he had seen everything and had been praying for us. This means a lot. I know that Father Anthony values a reverent mass and for him to come to us and express his understanding was touching. I really hate when Rachel’s behavior affects the mass experience of others. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does it is distressing. I know how much having a “good mass” can mean to me if I am struggling with something and how comforting a peaceful mass can be. I would hope that Rachel’s behavior wouldn’t ever intrude on that for others, but I know that it would be impossible when she creates such a disturbance for it to not. Which makes me all the more thankful for the prayers and understanding of others who were there.
I know she love mass, and I could see how sad it made her that she had to leave. Hopefully Rachel will be able to participate in the mass next time. She will just be the young lady with the golden curls who makes the occasional non sequitor noise. Thank you to anyone who was there and prayed for Rachel and us. Thank you for your understanding and support.
Of course writing this I realize I never really fulfilled my Sunday obligation. : -/