Clutching at Sunbeams

Some days I get to feeling a little out of sorts.  Nothing in particular will be wrong, no tragedy on the horizon, but I will still feel a slight desperation born of knowing how much I have to do and how little time I allow myself to do all those things.  I have a tendency at times to a dark mood where I find myself clutching at sunbeams and frustrated with my inability to catch them.

It is on those days that something happens to remind me of the importance of trajectory over velocity.   It doesn’t matter how fast or slow I may be going as long as I am going in the right direction and no amount of speed will get me where I am going if I am not heading the correct way.  So a dear friend will visit and bring her children, my husband will make a special trip to the store to pick up something I forgot that only affect me (coffee filters), a child will wake up with a happy smile and hug for mommy and the clouds will part for a moment or two and make me relax enough to remember who I am and who I want to be becoming.

I saw a wonderful bit of advice again today.  It is called “The daily decalogue of Pope John XXIII”

1. Only for today, I will seek to live the livelong day positively without wishing to solve the problems of my life all at once.
2. Only for today, I will take the greatest care of my appearance: I will dress modestly; I will not raise my voice; I will be courteous in my behaviour; I will not criticize anyone; I will not claim to improve or to discipline anyone except myself.
3. Only for today, I will be happy in the certainty that I was created to be happy, not only in the other world but also in this one.
4. Only for today, I will adapt to circumstances, without requiring all circumstances to be adapted to my own wishes.
5. Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul.
6. Only for today, I will do one good deed and not tell anyone about it.
7. Only for today, I will do at least one thing I do not like doing; and if my feelings are hurt, I will make sure that no one notices.
8. Only for today, I will make a plan for myself: I may not follow it to the letter, but I will make it. And I will be on guard against two evils: hastiness and indecision.
9. Only for today, I will firmly believe, despite appearances, that the good Providence of God cares for me as no one else who exists in this world.
10. Only for today, I will have no fears. In particular, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe in goodness. Indeed, for 12 hours I can certainly do what might cause me consternation were I to believe I had to do it all my life.

I have posted this before, but today I needed the reminder.  The sunbeams are there to enjoy and to savor, but they can not be captured in our hand, only remembered in our heart and reflected back out in the love we share with one another.